From Chapter 3: When “No Problem” Becomes a Problem
Disclaimer: This tool is for educational and reflective purposes only. It does not constitute medical or psychological advice, and does not establish a doctor–patient relationship. All views are personal and do not represent the opinions of any employer or institution. If you are struggling, please reach out to qualified support.
Before You Begin
This isn’t a test. There’s no grade.
But if you’re reading this in the gaps between helping others, you might pause—just for a moment.
Would a bit of quiet help?
A closed door, a notebook, a breath that doesn’t feel borrowed?
Maybe notice what your body feels like after the last few days of yes.
Tight? Tired? Braced?
There’s no perfect setup.
Just one that makes it a little easier to hear your own signal beneath the noise.
This reflection is a quiet check-in on how we navigate yes, no, and everything in between.
No right answer here. Just a space to notice—what I offer, why I offer it, and what it costs.
Sometimes, like Solan, I find myself saying yes when something inside me isn’t quite in it.
Maybe it’s habit. Maybe it’s fear.
Maybe it’s just the system’s quiet applause for self-erasure.
Questions to Consider
(You don’t have to answer them all—let one or two stay with you.)
- Can I recall a time I said yes while something in me hesitated?
- What signals showed up—tone shifts, body tension, a long explanation I didn’t need to give?
- What thoughts or feelings tend to rise up when I imagine saying no?
- Guilt? Fear of disappointing? A voice that says, don’t be difficult?
- What story does my mind tell about being helpful, good, available?
- Where might that story come from—and is it still serving me?
- Who do I know that draws boundaries with steadiness or grace?
- What feels different—not just in what they say, but in how it lands?
- When I say yes from a place of alignment, how does that feel—physically, emotionally?
- And if I tried a kind, honest no… what might that sound like?
If You Want to Try Something (Optional)
Think of one small, honest no you could offer this week—not as defiance, but as care for your own bandwidth.
It could be:
- Letting a non-urgent request wait until tomorrow
- Saying no to a meeting that doesn’t need you
- Asking for more time before deciding
Keep it as light as possible. No explanations needed unless you choose.
Just a simple act of aligning your yes and no with what matters most.
If It’s Useful
You might replay a recent moment.
Not to judge—just to observe.
Notice what came up in you.
What were you protecting? Preserving? Avoiding?
And notice the role of your thoughts in that moment—how they arrive as if they are orders:
You have to help. They’ll think you’re selfish. It’s easier to just say yes.
Then remember: thoughts are not commands.
They’re passing mental events—sometimes helpful, sometimes not.
You don’t need to change anything yet.
But maybe next time that moment comes around… you’ll hear yourself a little more clearly.
Closing Thought
There’s no perfect boundary strategy.
But there is power in noticing the difference between reflex and choice.
Especially when your yes is honest—
and your no has permission to exist.
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